SRS Report

• Disease: Fun fact: 100% of coworkers who don’t wash their hands after using the restroom should be allowed to use 0% of the break room.

• Condescension: If you claim that “Love” is your life-focus above all else, yet treat people who disagree with you as if they are idiots, then you are missing your own point and are losing a chance to lead.

• Grocery Shopping: I always thought the phrase “Suggested Retail Price,” which is printed on many items available for purchase, was for the benefit of the store, as in “Here’s what we suggest you charge for this item.”  But, what if I’ve misunderstood this whole time and it’s actually an invitation for the shopper to haggle?  How many dozens of dollars have I wasted on Funyuns and Twinkies?!  On one hand, I could have been wheelin’ and dealin’ and consumed half-again as much awesome food as I have in my lifetime, which would have been awesome, at least in the awesome moment.  On the other hand, I’d likely not be here to type this, having “passed on” due to my poor food choices, albeit having passed happy and with terrible Funyun breath.

• Ballpark Comforts: If you’ve been to a little league ballpark lately, you’re no doubt aware of the variety of portable seating options available.  There are of course the stock foldable canvas chairs, bleacher pads, and bleacher chairs.  This year, I’ve also seen foldable love seats, chairs with glorified awnings, 4-or-more-person tents, and have even seen someone string up a hammock.  It will surprise me not in the least to see collapsable screened-in porches, 5th wheel campers, portable log cabins, and pop-up vacation condos, complete with tiny pool, grill, a housekeeping service and private Wi-Fi.

Why are we even leaving the house anymore? When I was playing Little League, there were two options for seating: (1) the bleachers, which were either wooden, meaning you’d be lucky not to end up with a 8 inch shank of wood in your rear, or were made of some metal that actually absorbed and magnified the sun’s considerable power, allowing you to flash-fry a T-bone on it if you so chose, assuming you’d even survive to eat it; or (2) the grass/dirt area, which was ok until either someone wearing cleats impaled your hand, or the ants came marching one by one, hurrah.  But, we survived just fine! (Plus, Funyuns were a quarter, maybe less had I known to haggle; there will never be another time like it.)