Papa Moses

I believe that Moses was the proto-parent, put in charge of a bunch of ungrateful people. I’m convinced that he said or was tempted to say at least a few of the following statements:


“Well, if all of your friends gave up their jewelry so that they could make a golden calf, would you do it too? OK, don’t answer that.”

“Don’t make me turn this caravan of tribes around and take you back to Egypt, ‘cause I’ll do it!”

“What’s that, you WANT to go back to Egypt? Absolutely not, we’re too far now!”

“I said wait a minute, I’m talking to God! Unless we’re being overrun by poisonous snakes, it can wait!”

“I know you’re thirsty! But unless you know how to get water out of a rock, then you’re just gonna have to wait.”

“I asked if everyone had their Sabbath manna set aside and I didn’t hear anything from you!”

“I’m sure you didn’t MEAN to smite your brother, but smite your brother you did. And, guess what? I’m the one who’s got to go BACK up the mountain talk to the creator of the universe!”

“You seriously left your sandals in the middle of the Red Sea? Well, they’re gone now, buddy.”

“That tablet is not a toy!”

“Go ask Aaron.”

“That golden lampstand is NOT a hat!”

“Keep it up, and NO ONE gets to carry the tribal banner.”

“I asked if anyone had to go well before the pillar of fire started moving. You’re just gonna have to hold it!”

“I don’t care how many quail she ate, pay attention to your own dinner!”

“I told you a thousand times: these bushes burn FOR GOOD! Stop lighting them on fire!”

“I’m sorry, your highness. Is my glowing face keeping you awake?!”

“What part of ‘touch the ark, die instantly’ are you struggling to understand?”

Thanks for reading! I’m sure I missed more than a few, let me know in the comments 🙂

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