I’m convinced the CEO of Taco Bell called an all-hands meeting late last year and declared that 2018 was going to be the year that Taco Bell would fulfill its secret mission of crushing the human spirit. After this bold declaration, he opened up the floor for ideas on how they might accomplish this.

From the back of the room, a tentative hand shoots up.

“Yes, the guy in the back wearing the lab coat. Please tell us your name, your department, and your idea.”

“Yes sir, I’m Melvin Picante, Food Science division. We just created a french fry that has been verified to be the most delicious french fry ever made.”

“Ok, Martin, well, you’ve lost me. The goal is to crush the human spirit. How will the fact that we have created the most delicious, perfect, mouthwatering french fry help to crush the human spirit?”

“It’s Melvin, sir. Well, I suggest we offer it to the public, with much fanfare, and then a few weeks later, quietly remove it from the menu, as if it never existed.”

“I see where you’re going with this, Maximilian, but I’m not sure it’s enough to simply offer and then abruptly remove from the menu this modern marvel of human culinary ingenuity and prowess.”

“It’s Melvin, and I’m not finished, sir. Then you do the whole thing again, later in the year.”

“Introduce-Remove-Reintroduce-Remove . . . Marvin, I don’t like it . . . I’m in LOVE with it! Ladies and gentlemen, meet our new Director of Bad Business, Marvin Salsa! You’re going places Marvin!”

“It’s Melvin, and I’m not much of a traveler, sir.”

3 thoughts on “The Double-Edged Spork

  1. What a bizarre coincidence! I rarely go to Taco Bell, but I went today on a whim. Not only did they completely botch my order in every possible way, but when I asked for a fork (I often eat their messy tacos as a salad instead of as a taco), they handed me a spork. I glanced at the manager as if to say, “What am I supposed to do with this?”, all I got were blank stares.

    To make it even worse, all they have are Pepsi products, and no Coke products. They are dead to me.

    Also, ALL fast food restaurants (and restaurants in general) have a policy of discontinuing food items that they somehow find out that I like.

    Great post!

    1. Great points, and the Pepsi vs Coke nonsense is definitely not in their favor!

      And, maybe you can find new ways to hide your food preferences?

      Thanks for reading!

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