This week at work, we had an “all-hands” meeting to discuss the state of the company. Most of it was presented in financial parlance, most of which was over my head, and likely over the heads of my colleagues, as we are largely a technical group. I feel like we were like a bunch of kids sitting there mesmerized by acronyms and shiny graphs but still getting the basic gist.

I need to employ something similar at our next family meeting:

“As you can see, our EBITDA (Early to Bed in Times Dad Announces) is a bit lower than expected. At the same time, our NWC (Net Whiney Children) is up. This leads our major shareholders, e.g. Mom and Dad, to be a bit concerned, but not overly so. Our cash flow and Working Capital are at historic lows, but our intangible investments are solid, which gives us a comfortable enough market position heading into the holidays.

“Our Top Line Innovation has been EXTREMELY impressive this year, due mostly to the recent Lego Puppy Mansion project, as well as the art initiatives that have been running around the clock on our kitchen table. And if we can successfully convert the Bead Bracelet projections or Homemade Goo inquiries into sales, we’ll come a bit closer to meeting our 2018 cash initiatives.

“Our RONA (Ridiculous Oreo Nabbing Attempts) is significantly lower this quarter, for which you should all be commended. You should also be proud that we recently set a Lost Time Accident record at 36 hours. Kudos!

“And, finally, we’d like to recognize Annie who is celebrating 13 years with us! Congratulations Annie, and thank you for your invaluable contribution to our success!

“Feel free to take some cake on your way out.”

 

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