Babies Post the Darndest Things

This weekend I celebrated another birthday (a fact I mention here ONLY to set up this post, and perhaps as a slight public celebration, because I’m starting to reach the age when people might say, “I haven’t heard from Phil in a while. Is he still alive?” or, “He hasn’t posted in months. I’m assuming he kicked the bucket?” or “I was looking for some blogs to un-follow – I can only assume that scientist-guy is no longer with us.”

Anyway, the ubiquitous presence of social media in our lives, perhaps most personally pronounced around our birthdays, made me contemplate how different it was “back then.” Of course, I did not have social media when I was born (in the 70’s, a number which is ancient to some, and is causing others to collectively roll their eyes), and therefore could not document the occasion, but I can imagine the type of thing I might’ve posted:

• “Almost killed my mom today! Yikes! 😬❤️ #CSectionBaby #BestMomEver”

•“I’m not saying my nurse’s hands are cold, but you could film a documentary about penguins on my tukus. Hi-yo!”

•“Who do you have to spit up on to get a Chalupa around here?” #FormulaDiet #RunForTheBorder”

•“Best combination of essential oils for circumcision relief. Go!”

•“You know, I might complain that people keep waking me up and tucking my arms down so I can’t move, but I should be thankful that people care #Blessed #ContentmentIsAChoice #BabyBurrito”

•“Don’t blame me, I wasn’t alive to vote.”

•“Feeling cute. Might lie here and scream for no reason.”

•“‘Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That is why it is called the present.’~ Eleanor Roosevelt #Wisdom #Puns #MyGirlEllie”

•“For the seven people I have met, leave a comment with a story about the first time we met.”

•“I can’t even! Please pray for my unspoken request.”

•“Thinking about taking a MasterClass on holding my head up straight. #LifetimeLearner #LifetimeLeaner #NoNeckMuscles”

•“Just to be clear, I’m very, VERY much against vaccines! #AntiVax #DownWithNeedles”

•“You guys, I’m starting a blog, which I will probably neglect because of a mixture of self-doubt and writer’s block and then restart several times, ad nauseam. Head over to! #AmWriting

•“ISO gently-worn orange leisure suit, size 3 Months. Southern Indiana only please.”

•”Anyone seen Star Wars yet? Man! Can’t wait for the rest of the trilogy, and ONLY the rest of the trilogy, because this is the kind of narrative arc which can be satisfactorily completed in a trilogy and might otherwise lend itself to needless sequels, prequels and spin-offs driven by corporate greed the likes of which would dilute and/or crush the blissful nostalgia of babies and children the world over by trying to wring more galactic gold from what is really a once-in-a-lifetime phenomenon of a pure and perfect hero’s journey story!”

I’d be curious what you might have posted when you were born, assuming, you know you had social media and a formed grasp of language and fine motor skills that would have allowed you to use a device to put together words and sentences. Let me know in the comments!

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