The Answer is “Yes!”

We just booked our first cruise, and let me tell you the one thing I’ve learned about cruises so far: That per-person fee they quote you? You can toss that right into the ocean. That “low price” is what I’ll call “The Stowaway Fee” (trademark pending). That cost just gives you the privilege of being on-board their vessel, sans frills. But when you start to book the actual trip, you must answer a series of questions, and with each “yes” the price increases. For instance:

“Do you like to eat?”

“Do you ever see yourself wanting anything other than tepid seawater to drink on your vacation?”

“Is it important that you embark and disembark in the same city?”

“Would you like to participate in any activities other than staring at miles of rolling sea?”

“Would you like your room to be anywhere other than facing the dungeon where barrel-chested men are shoveling coal into a boiler?”

“Would you consider it a personal priority to not be on a ship that’s boarded by pirates mid-trip?”

“Would you consider yourself averse to being tossed overboard in the middle of the night only to have your story told on an episode of ‘48 Hours Mystery’?”

“Are you allergic to Norovirus?”

“Would it bother you immensely if our ship struck and impaled another ship?”

Grand total: eight times more than promised. Welcome aboard!

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