From the Desk of the CEO

Good evening, dear colleagues and friends!

First of all, I would like to thank you for your continued hard work and support during the last several years, which I believe we can all honestly describe as lean and discouraging. Together, we have held faith that our product has immense value, and have looked past the comments in media and elsewhere that our product “should not exist,” “has no value whatsoever” and is “an abomination among mankind.”

A part of great leadership is being able to look past the naysayers and hold fast to convictions that you are on the right path. And you all have done that, in spades.

Therefore, it is my honor to celebrate the fruits of your hard work with two momentous announcements. First of all, just last week, the executive committee and I signed deals with NASA, Blue Origin, and SpaceX wherein our product will be used as the main component of the heat tiles for the next generation of spacecraft! According to scientists at each organization, based on their rigorous testing, they have never encountered a substance more resistant to the effects of heat, abrasion, or really any kind of erosion at all. This is no surprise to those who have worked so hard to bring our product to the forefront of human endeavors.

Additionally, just last night, a contract was received from one of the world’s largest online commerce companies for us to be the sole supplier of packaging material for their entire logistics chain. In this new arena, our product stands to be unbeaten, in terms of impenetrability, fire resistance, and general ruggedness, all while offering a fibrous density so as not to affect shipping weight to an appreciable degree. This is a decisive vindication of our collective long-held belief and understanding that our product, despite what the vocal majority might believe, has great value and is not “pointless and confusing in its very existence.”

Not since the great Chinese food surge of 1963 have we seen such unprecedented growth potential in our company, and we have you to thank for that.

Onward to the future!

With Much Appreciation,

Harrold Fluffman, CEO

United Water Chestnut Inc.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s