My son uses the phrase "Guess what." approximately 1183 times a day. I don't know if that's typical, but I hope he outgrows it before he enters the workforce. I can imagine it will not be necessarily appreciated: Hey, Boss! Guess what. What? I ran those tests you asked for, and guess what. What? I … Continue reading Guess What
The Master Switch
Parents need a master light switch by the front door. That way we don't have to wander around the entire house shutting off lights. We can just throw one large, Alcatraz-style breaker, a metal beast that's two feet wide and takes two hands to pull down. Imagine the penultimate satisfaction of grabbing that steely handle, … Continue reading The Master Switch
Back-To-School Book List
In honor of back-to-school time, here is a list of books that, based on their titles alone, could be about getting kids ready for school: The Sound and the Fury The Things We Left Behind The Things They Carried Things Fall Apart The Hours Girl, Interrupted The Long Goodbye The Human Stain No Exit If … Continue reading Back-To-School Book List
We Have Favorites Too!
I've said it before, it's not exactly fair that adults don't get their pictures taken holding a sign this time of year. We have favorites too! In case anyone is interested, my (large) sign would read as follows: It's Phil's 25th year of work! About Phil: FAVORITE EXCEL FORMULA: SUMIFS FAVORITE REPORT FONT: Calibri Light … Continue reading We Have Favorites Too!
Mortification, Phase 2
Three years ago, we took the family to my company's picnic at Huber’s, a family farm about 45 minutes from our home. At the time, I shared my mortification at the fact that we had left Sam's shoes at home. I have photos of him traipsing through the pumpkin patch, barefoot without a care in … Continue reading Mortification, Phase 2
Cannot, Shall Not
In which a common parent-child “conversation” is relayed, one which highlights the near-impossibility of achieving a base understanding when it comes to certain subjects, further solidifying a father’s status as “moron.” Or something.
Parents Have Options
In which an excerpt from my “forthcoming” common-sense, “instant-classic” parenting “book” is shared, one which highlights common flawed thinking as it pertains to being a parent AND being on time. Or something.
The Art of Conversat . . .STOP IT!
In which the assertion that parents have a difficult time conversing in a normal human way is briefly dispelled.
But What About the Waves?
In which a poor facsimile of Hemingway-an dialogue is used to describe a common family vacation scene.
Papa Moses
I believe that Moses was the proto-parent, put in charge of a bunch of ungrateful people. I’m convinced that he said or was tempted to say at least a few of the following statements: “Well, if all of your friends gave up their jewelry so that they could make a golden calf, would you … Continue reading Papa Moses
For the Love! (of Dogs)
My parents have been keeping our dog for a while now (she loves to run, they have some land, and it's summer). This week they are also keeping my brother's dogs while they try to sell their house. It's a good ol' grand-dog sleepover. It's no secret that I'm not a huge fan of dogs, … Continue reading For the Love! (of Dogs)
Aside – Road Trip 2018
I listened to a Hemingway book during our drive down to Florida, so tonight's post, which is meant to relate a fairly common parental culinary struggle, is written (in a very poor imitation) in his honor. The waves were tall and dark green. There was much foam. The flag flying above the distant estación de … Continue reading Aside – Road Trip 2018
Password Fatigue – 40by40
If you're like most folks, these days, when more and more business is conducted online, you struggle with the sheer number of passwords that you're required to create and remember. If you’re like me, you often choose meaningful passwords, ones that are applicable to the current stage of life, but often even those expire, forcing … Continue reading Password Fatigue – 40by40
The Auctioneer – 40by40
Went to an auction yesterday. Man, I wish I had the skills of that auctioneer! I feel like I could shut down nearly any argument my kids want to have with me. I’d make sure they couldn’t get a word in edgewise. “How many times did I tell you to pick up your socks? I … Continue reading The Auctioneer – 40by40
