". . .because a chart there is!”
". . . the future St. Pete knew the importance of a good nap!"
This week at work, we had an "all-hands" meeting to discuss the state of the company. Most of it was presented in financial parlance, most of which was over my head, and likely over the heads of my colleagues, as we are largely a technical group. I feel like we were like a bunch of … Continue reading Business is Business
My son uses the phrase "Guess what." approximately 1183 times a day. I don't know if that's typical, but I hope he outgrows it before he enters the workforce. I can imagine it will not be necessarily appreciated: Hey, Boss! Guess what. What? I ran those tests you asked for, and guess what. What? I … Continue reading Guess What
￼Parents need a master light switch by the front door. That way we don't have to wander around the entire house shutting off lights. We can just throw one large, Alcatraz-style breaker, a metal beast that's two feet wide and takes two hands to pull down. Imagine the penultimate satisfaction of grabbing that steely handle, … Continue reading The Master Switch
In honor of back-to-school time, here is a list of books that, based on their titles alone, could be about getting kids ready for school: The Sound and the Fury The Things We Left Behind The Things They Carried Things Fall Apart The Hours Girl, Interrupted The Long Goodbye The Human Stain No Exit If … Continue reading Back-To-School Book List
I've said it before, it's not exactly fair that adults don't get their pictures taken holding a sign this time of year. We have favorites too! In case anyone is interested, my (large) sign would read as follows: It's Phil's 25th year of work! About Phil: FAVORITE EXCEL FORMULA: SUMIFS FAVORITE REPORT FONT: Calibri Light … Continue reading We Have Favorites Too!
Three years ago, we took the family to my company's picnic at Huber’s, a family farm about 45 minutes from our home. At the time, I shared my mortification at the fact that we had left Sam's shoes at home. I have photos of him traipsing through the pumpkin patch, barefoot without a care in … Continue reading Mortification, Phase 2
In which a common parent-child “conversation” is relayed, one which highlights the near-impossibility of achieving a base understanding when it comes to certain subjects, further solidifying a father’s status as “moron.” Or something.
In which an excerpt from my “forthcoming” common-sense, “instant-classic” parenting “book” is shared, one which highlights common flawed thinking as it pertains to being a parent AND being on time. Or something.
In which the assertion that parents have a difficult time conversing in a normal human way is briefly dispelled.
In which a poor facsimile of Hemingway-an dialogue is used to describe a common family vacation scene.
I believe that Moses was the proto-parent, put in charge of a bunch of ungrateful people. I’m convinced that he said or was tempted to say at least a few of the following statements: “Well, if all of your friends gave up their jewelry so that they could make a golden calf, would you … Continue reading Papa Moses